What can you learn from a man named Dean?

I have been in the US for the last two months, spending most of that time with my father. Even though there are many inspiring things to tell about what I’ve learned so far, I have decided to dedicate this month’s message to a man named Dean.

Dean lives in the same community as my dad, and he is not like anybody else I’ve ever met before.

About 30 years ago, he told me, he got hit by a car, which resulted in the damage of more than half of his brain.

Ever since this accident, Dean has lots of trouble remembering things. It seems like stories of any kind somehow remain most in his memory, but all else (like names, places, facts, or even what he did 5 minutes ago) is hard for him to pinpoint.

He spends his days walking around the community, going door to door, spending time with different neighbors and doing little jobs for them (like raking leaves, trimming bushes, mowing lawns… but doesn’t take anything in return. He won’t even accept a ride back to his home. This is because, as he explains, he lives a philosophy of “giving,” and not “taking.”

My dad told me that he has seen Dean on a couple occasions just exit a room while someone was talking mid-sentence about other people negatively, or while a person talked too much without purpose to their words.

We had a communal party here some weeks ago, and to be honest, the person I was most interested in talking with.. was Dean!

He didn’t speak so much, but instead added little hilarious comments to what other people were saying, which somehow fit each moment perfectly. Sometimes he would spontaneously start laughing really loud, or make a noise out of nowhere.

He noticed tiny details that others looked over, like a little ant crawling on the railing, or a light reflecting in the glass window, or the tiny hole in my sock that I didn't notice before.

I realized at this party while looking around how “controlled” everyone else was. Controlling their posture, their tone of voice, the specific words they were using, and probably thinking, “how do I look right now; how do I sound?” and modifying that constantly. 

Looking back at Dean, I saw a man completely in his body, taking in every moment, enjoying the atmosphere, allowing himself to be completely who he was and how he was feeling in each moment.

I realized that it is not the things that people say that make a conversation “good”, or a party “fun.” It’s about the energy of the words from the people involved. It’s about their intentions, and the amount of positive emotion behind the words being spoken by each individual.

Questions for this month inspired by Dean:

• What is important to you when you converse with your fellow human beings and loved ones? What topics light up your spirit? How often do you feel like you share these things?

• Do I feel like I am comfortable enough in my surroundings to be my true self? 

• What parts of myself do I feel like I need to control? Do I really need to control them?

I wish you all a beautiful month of November,

Ananda